Here, have a smiley face, or a big ‘thumbs up’,

Hash tag fucking YOLO,

But it doesn’t really matter though

Because what really digs at me

Is your tendency to misconstrue;

Deliberately morph my innocent words

In to a gripe and bellyache.

This society or fashion of modern age –

To pout like a preposterous pilchard,

To capture every mind-numbing moment

On Instagram with sepia toned facsimile –

Is quite simply ludicrous; daft, stupid, juvenile!

Since when did triviality and frivolity

Become a daily routine to the masses?

Snapchatting every meal you eat;

Tweeting throughout your classes;

Hawking the internet to profess your love

To an adulterated agent of Satan.

All the while starving your wasted brain cells

Whilst the planet is decaying by the day;

I don’t give a shit what you think is ‘cray’,

I want you to cherish a priceless Monet!  

But these irate cries of despair

Will fail to ignite a revolution;

Therefore I don’t expect a cure

To this intellectual pollution.

But if I am to continue adapting

To these ludicrous hash tag trends,

I don’t want to be pestered by supposed friends

To dignify their social bubble

With a fat smiley sticker on Facebook,

Just to let them know I am not sulky.

I hate to burst their bubble, but words transcend

Computer generated communication!

Do they remember this thing called integration?

I sometimes forget why I care…

Oh yes, that’s right –

Because I’m the cantankerous one,

Due to my lack of smileys and thumbs up.

Well if these are to be my final lines

I’ll ease off the incessant whines.

I hope you’ve all learned from this little spat.

Now pull a funny face for this Snapchat.


Created: 27th February 2014.

This poem was penned a day before my first Poetry Slam. I was chatting to various people on Facebook and, to put it bluntly, they pissed me off by insisting I was ‘grumpy all the time’. Their reasoning? Because my sentences are straight to the point; lacking emoticons, thumbs up, smileys etc. Imbeciles! In a fit of rage (which are occurring increasingly lately) I wrote this down. From the feedback I’ve received, people seem to enjoy the ranting aspect of it.



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